Friday, October 15, 2010

Oct. 15 2010, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Day of Remembrance

Guest post by an LCM Mom

Several days ago, for the first time in a long time, I opened the large manila envelope tucked between books and other papers on my bookshelf, always in the back of my mind.  Containing the only pictures I have of my daughter's twin who passed away while still in utero the envelope is always there, quiet but ever present.  Inobtrusive, but always on the edge of my awareness.

Gingerly, I opened the envelope and looked over the images of Baby A and Baby B, and when looking at the Baby B we named Nicholas once we became aware of his passing, I noticed something I hadn't seen before.  For the very first time, I saw feet.  Small and not well formed yet, but feet nonetheless.  My son's feet.  And they made me smile.  After a few smiles mixed with tears, I put the pictures back in their envelope, tucked them back in between the books on my shelf and went on with the rest my day.  But those feet stayed with me.

It's been almost a year since we lost Nicholas, but when my eyes and heart are open, his footprints are ever evident in our hearts and our lives.  Tiny feet with me when I cradle his twin sister.  Tiny feet when I pass that bookself, when I look at my other sons and wonder what Nicholas's smile would have been like.  The weeks we shared when my body contained his entire life were far, far too short, but he remains a part of my heart and our family just the same.  For as long as I remember him, he will always be with me, and in those moments I know that we are not so very far apart and that I'll see my son again someday.  And until that day, I have a tiny set of footprints walking along with me, always by my side and on my heart.

- Nicholas' Mom

Today (October 15th) is the day of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.   Pregnancy loss is a deep but too often private pain.  Today we remember all those babies held in our hearts but never met, those born sleeping, and those whose lives ended in infancy. 

We invite you to contact us by email if you have an addition you would like us to make to our pregnancy loss Page of Remembrance.  Whether actually named or simply carried in your heart as, for example, "our first pregnancy," we would be honored to hold your babies in our hearts and on our memorial page.

Tomorrow, October 16, in Saratoga Springs at the Saratoga Spa State Park the Annual Angel Names Association Memorial Walk will take place from 12-4pm meeting at the Columbia Pavilion.   This event is free, will include children's activities, and is in honor of all children lost through miscarriage, stillbirth or infant death. 

May all babies be born into loving hands...

K. Michelle Doyle, CNM, NYS LM


  1. What a beautiful tribute to your son.

  2. I am so glad that I was too busy to write the Day of remembrance blog post that I had been planning. Nicholas' Mom wrote a much more moving and beautiful piece than I would have ever managed. Thank you!

    God works in mysterious ways, occasionally even through overworked midwives.